How to help survivors

You do not need to be an expert to support a survivor. You do not need to have the right words or to know exactly what to say. Simply being there, lending a non-judgemental ear, and truly listening is enough.

It is a big step for a victim or survivor to tell someone about the abuse they are experiencing or have experienced.

They are not telling you so that you can fix it for them or tell them what to do. They are telling you because they trust you and want to know if they have your support. Be there for them. Be their friend.

You can also help by guiding them toward support. The Global Directory lists helplines that offer free, confidential services.

When someone tells you they are experiencing abuse, one of the most important things you can do is listen. Give them time and space to talk without judgement, and let them know they are not alone. It takes courage to speak about abuse, and your calm, compassionate response can help them feel heard, believed, and emotionally safe. It is also completely understandable to feel shocked or surprised — particularly if the person causing harm is someone you know, trust or have always seen in a different light. Remember that presenting a different face to the outside world can be part of an abuser's behaviour; what you know of them does not invalidate what someone is telling you. Try to manage your own reaction so that the person disclosing does not feel they need to comfort you, defend their experience, or worry about what will happen next.

Let them know you believe them and that what happened is not their fault and no one deserves to be treated this way. Someone experiencing abuse may blame themselves, particularly if the person causing harm has told them that no one will believe them. Gentle, repeated reassurance can help: “I believe you,” “You didn't cause this,” “Nothing you did made this your fault,” “The responsibility belongs to the person who hurt you,” and “You don't deserve to be treated this way.” Above all, listen, respect their choices, and avoid taking control of the situation, they know their circumstances and safety best.

Do not ask questions that focus on what the victim did or didn't do. Even unintentionally, that can signal that the survivor is responsible for what happened.

Do not ask a survivor to piece together a traumatic event, for example, the last thing they remember, who they were with, or where they were. That can be disorienting and can cause them to relive the trauma.

Your job is to be a supportive friend. If the survivor wants to open up about a specific event, they will do that in their own time, when they are ready.

Do not tell them to leave their relationship. They might not be ready, and ultimately that is their decision. There may be a risk of retaliation; complex dynamics of manipulation, control, or threats; and barriers to leaving — financial, emotional, and psychological — including caring for children.

Survivors need support and resources to leave safely. It is important to have a safety plan before leaving. Trust their judgement on timing and support them through the process.

Ask if they would like to speak to a professional about their situation, and offer to sit with them while they call a helpline listed on the Global Directory. If you need support after being there for your loved one, helplines can offer you support too.

Ask what more you can do to help. Ask if they have been physically harmed, and offer to go with them to a hospital or GP. If they choose to, help them report the assault or abuse to the police. You can also reach out to national helplines for free, confidential help or referrals to local advocacy centres.

When someone you care about is experiencing abuse, it is natural to want to step in and make things better. But one of the most important ways you can support them is by respecting their choices and allowing them to remain in control of what happens next. You may not know the full extent of their situation or the risks they are managing, and they are the person who will live with the consequences of any decisions made. They know their circumstances best. You can gently encourage them to seek specialist support through the Global Directory, but avoid pressuring them to report, leave a relationship, or take a particular course of action.

Having the freedom to decide what feels safe and comfortable can help someone regain a sense of control and autonomy. If they want to talk, be there to listen; if they do not, let them know you still care and that you will be there whenever they are ready. Your support does not depend on what they choose to do; sometimes simply knowing that someone is there, without judgement or pressure, can make a huge difference.

Balance their safety with their wishes about confidentiality. Respect their wishes and do not tell others about their experience without explicit permission and consent.

However, if you believe they are in immediate danger, call the police.

We all have a role to play in creating safer spaces and looking out for one another. The responsibility for domestic and sexual violence always lies with the person causing the harm, never with the person experiencing it or the person witnessing it. Recognising signs that something may be wrong can help you think about whether, and how you can safely respond. Trust your instincts if a situation feels uncomfortable or unsafe, and take a moment to consider whether the situation could become more serious if nothing changes.

If violence is happening in front of you, safety comes first. Ask yourself whether it is safe to intervene. If violence is already taking place or the situation is escalating quickly, do not put yourself or others at greater risk by intervening directly. Contact the appropriate emergency services or authorities and report what you are witnessing. If you have decided it is safe to intervene, you can consider one of the Three Ds: Direct, Distract or Delegate depending on the situation, how much time you have, and what feels comfortable for you.

Sometimes the safest and most helpful response is not to intervene directly. You might seek advice, alert someone who can help, or connect the person with specialist support. It can also be useful to save relevant helpline or hotline numbers to your phone in advance, so you have them when you need them, including when internet access may be limited. You do not have to handle the situation alone.

A non-confrontational way of getting involved to prevent the situation from getting worse. For example:

• Asking for directions, the time, or help looking for a lost item
• Distracting the perpetrator long enough to check if the person at risk is okay
• Striking up a conversation with the person at risk — for example “Hey, I haven't seen you in ages,” “Do you mind if I steal my friend for a second? It's an emergency,” or “I think your car is getting towed — I'll stay with your friend while you check.”

More confrontational, and better if you do not have a lot of time:

• Speak out and say what is happening is not right, and reassure the person that they do not deserve to be treated this way
• If you feel comfortable, check in: “I'm concerned about what just happened. Is anything wrong?”
• Let them know free and confidential help is available — which can be found on the Global Directory

If you do not feel comfortable talking with someone or distracting them, but you still want to step in:

• Look for someone else who might be able to help — there is power in numbers
• Tell a bouncer, find the person's friends, or call the authorities
• Choose the option that fits where you are and what feels safest

Every situation is different, and the safest and most helpful response will depend on what is happening, what feels safe for you, and what support is available. Never put yourself in danger while trying to help someone else. If you cannot safely step in directly, there is no shame in that; you can still take action by calling the authorities, seeking advice or connecting someone with specialist support. Even a small step can have a meaningful and lasting impact on someone's life.

It is also important to take care of yourself. Domestic and sexual violence can be difficult and upsetting to witness, particularly when it involves someone you know or love. You may experience feelings of helplessness, anger, frustration or guilt, and it is okay to need support too. Talking these feelings through in a safe and confidential space can help. The Global Directory includes specialist helplines and services that can support not only people experiencing violence, but also those supporting them.