Safety Planning with children
Supporting children through change, with age-appropriate safety planning when experiencing domestic violence.
Supporting Children Through Change
When experiencing domestic violence, it is important to remember that children of all ages may understand more about what is happening than they are able to express. Even very young children can sense changes in their environment, routines and relationships, but may lack the language or developmental skills to explain what they have seen, heard or experienced. Their feelings and experiences may instead be communicated through changes in behaviour, emotions, sleep, eating or routines. Safety planning should therefore consider each child’s age, developmental stage and individual needs, while ensuring they have trusted adults, safe spaces and appropriate support around them.
Safety planning for children
If you are leaving an abusive relationship with children, think about who needs to know what is happening and how they can help keep your children safe.
Depending on your circumstances, and if you think it’s safe to do so:
- Tell the school, nursery or childcare provider what is happening and, where appropriate, provide them with any relevant safety information. Let them know who is authorised to collect your child and whether there are any people who should not have access to them.
- Speak to your child’s teacher or a trusted member of staff so they know your child may need additional emotional or practical support. Agree what they should do if your child says something worrying or if someone attempts to collect them unexpectedly.
- Tell trusted adults in your child’s life, such as a family member, youth worker, coach or childcare provider, if it is safe and appropriate to do so. Agree what information they can share and with whom.
- Agree a simple code word with your child that can be used to indicate that they need help or that a situation is unsafe. Keep it simple and age-appropriate.
- Help your child identify safe adults they can go to if they are frightened, confused or need help. Make sure they understand that they are not responsible for keeping you or their siblings safe.
- Talk to your child in an age-appropriate way about what is happening. Give them enough information to understand the situation without making them responsible for managing it.
- Agree what your child should do in an emergency. Depending on their age, this might include going to a trusted adult, calling an emergency number or going to an agreed safe place.
- Consider what information your child shares online. Check privacy settings and think about whether location, school information, photographs or other details could unintentionally reveal where you are staying.
- Review emergency contacts on phones and devices, but consider whether changing settings or removing access could alert the abusive person. A specialist service can help you assess the safest approach.
- Keep important information accessible. Where appropriate, make sure you have copies of documents relating to your children, including identification, medical information, school details and relevant legal documents.
- Consider arrangements for school and activities. If your child attends clubs, sports or other activities, make sure relevant staff understand any arrangements around collection and who they can safely contact if there is a concern.
- Seek specialist advice about contact arrangements. If the abusive person has parental responsibility or there are existing custody or contact arrangements, get local legal or domestic abuse advice before making changes to arrangements or relocating.
Most importantly
Only share information about the situation with people who need to know and who you trust to keep it confidential. In some circumstances, telling someone or changing arrangements can increase risk, so consider speaking to a specialist domestic abuse service before doing so.